Eating Disorders

The title was going to be a little different but it takes me so long to get in here I forget where I was going with what.

Eating disorders have been the theme for the latter part of the day...there is my variety..over-eating..good old gluttony..eating for the pleasure of it...and then the other end of the spectrum....not eating. I have come across two or three of those today. I don't know which is the more frightening in terms of potential outcomes. My little doggy pats lead me to discover all sorts of people..(none of the doggy pats are nearly as good as Henry I will just interject. None of the dogs feels or acts as good as Henry. None feel the same or are a substitute and it is wearing thin). That may be one of the reasons I am having trouble sleeping..and also maybe something BIG is coming down the pipe. Feels a little like that.

As I write this I have The Last Waltz on...thought it might lull me into some slumber perhaps..nice to see Jonie Mitchell in her younger days.

I had a wonderful interlude by the lake in the park about 6:30. Maybe I mentioned it..can't remember. Yes, a 'spiritual walk' rather than and 'exercise walk'. A reprieve from my mind. I also came across this woman who is so desperately thin it is scary. I have seen her before somewhere...I mentioned that to her. She has a new little puppy. She has a very sweet face..but it looks like a puppet face on a skeleten body. I do not think she is at all well but she says she is a doctor.

I have been thinking this evening also about someone else I know..(notice how I am hesitant to use actual names..I will try to be discreet. This person is also terribly thin and on reflecting on this phenomenon I came to realize it is probably not just by chance..and that she might be a secret purger..bulimia..rather than just a non-eater.

So it has made me ponder on all this eating stuff...why is this. What are we 'filling up'...or denying. What love do we need and are not getting?

I also went to some blogger sites in regard to the Lebonese/Israel thing..BECAUSE it was mentioned by the Israeli ambassador to the Security Council but on reflecting on that also how convenenient is that for pete's sake. I went to a Jewish one and a pro-Lebonese one..to check out both. The Lebonese one was more informative since we do not get that perpsective here usually and it had interesting video..(interesting if you like to see dead people). So I am wondering if they are really going to find any peace or is it going to excalate as all of us have feared for so long...only now I don't feel any fear. This is exactly what people talked about happening at the beginning of the Iraq War..But on no..Bush charged ahead..(well what choice did he have..he is just puppet to the right 'advisors'. Anyway about the blogs..I feel also they are a way the govt. guys use to check up on who is who and what they think. They do that kind of thing you know. More little boy games. Only look how serious it is and who is paying the price.

When Maharaji talks about finding peace in the middle of war he probably never thought he would have to think of it in that way...that the whole world would be fucked. But it is true. I have felt that myself over the last few months..when all the chaos was around me...even if it did not look like that. All those people who have Knowledge in Israel will be hard pressed. And I am thinking again of that guy who took me in in Calgary who works for a company in Syria..wonder if he is still there. He likes that kind of drama though...almost had his name.

We are in a sorry world aren't we. And we won't escape it here either. The only refuge is inside. I really need to trust myself. That is part of the lesson now too. But my heart, not my head. That is the hard part.

For anyone who is interested here is the url for Prem Rawat: