Digging in the Past

This is always painful for me. In every aspect and form. That is why I prefer to live in the moment as much as possible. That does not mean I don't try to plan. And it does mean that I always still have hopes and dreams about the future. But one can put too much weight to it. Life is just not like that. Recent happenings have just proved that out. One more time.

I finally had the opportunity to look at some of my mother's things. They have been in storage for a very long time. If I had had access to them earlier, I would have enjoyed the opportunity to discuss some questions with her. I think she would have enjoyed that too. But my being blocked in doing that is just another hole in my heart if I dwell on that. I am trying not to be too hard on myself for not staying the week, after Mother's Day. I

And now I am digging in the past of my own things too. Since buried with all her things, were my old school books and some of my keepsakes. My old cowboy hero scrapbook and some of my favourite comic books.

And I found the following essay. I think it is from Grade Five. It is interesting that I compare myself to a tree since only a few weeks ago I wrote another poem, also comparing myself to a tree. And my most recent post in this blog is also about the new tree I got last year, which did not survive the winter.

So Much Rain

Last night there was a thunderstorm. Just an hour ago there was a thunderstorm. Yesterday two storms came through dropping torrents of rain. And some other parts near here are getting even more...in what used to be very dry areas.

So it is crazy...this global warming and the effects.

The Tree Did Not Survive

We had a cold spring, just at the wrong time. The buds had come out and there were actually some leaves forming. But then it got cold again. And the tree had not had time to get settled last fall (Had to "catch", as my neighbour used to say).

And there were conflicts about its planting in the first place.

So last week the housing authority sent someone with some snippers and they cut the little tree right in the middle. And that was it. Dead. No room for discourse. I was very sad and upset as I had had dreams and hopes for that tree.

Winter's Last Hurrah

It has been a little cold and blustery for the past few days. Almost at freezing point. Still, I got my gazebo up on my deck and having the last two days off has been great. I have used my time to the best advantage and I have been surprised that my energy has been as high as it has been (and still is, as we speak).

The buds are coming out on the little tree planted last fall. It still looks a little scraggly but the cedars have survived the winter without any 'winter burn' as they call it here. I really really watered them before the frost last year, having been told it was a good idea to do that. It will still be another month before the flowers can be planted outside though. Yesterday I found two tiny little geraniums...the first of the season...at one of the stores. They are like the ones I got last year and should be much bigger when it comes time to plant them.

I got some fertilizer for the trees and as they are predicting rain this week I guess I should get out there and put some around the bases of the cedars and the new tree. Maybe I can find a picture of something to post. (Well..for the time being, all I can find is this picture of an old pottery piece).

The Big Snow

Well...it has been a little while since I last wrote anything here. So I know anyone coming here would find it very boring. Sorry about that. Especially for any younger people who like to be constantly 'updated'. I am of the older crowd so I take most things as they come, since I can't do much else.

We had this huge snowfall about one week ago. It took about three days to even get on the road or go anywhere and to dig ourselves out. I took some photos from around my area. The drifts were literally up to the eaves.

Hallowe'en 2009

The weather has been very co-operative this year as it will be quite nice this evening for all the little goblins and spooks. There is a sign by the parking lot to direct everyone to the front door for candies. I will have to make sure I have my electric pumpkin on and looking great. I will try to include a photo.

A Moment of Magic

8:15pm
This evening there was an event for people who live in my complex, but it was also fiddle lesson registration night...(which I realize only takes one or two minutes), but I felt it was better to go to the latter rather than have to answer confusing questions which might be directed at me or to have to make small talk, (which we all know, people with Asperger's find very difficult to do and find it very uncomfortable to do).

So I actually had a moment of magic after the registration since it has been a totally awesome day in terms of weather, just like yesterday and the day before, in spite of the very vigorous storm last night. So the weather added to the scene...but as I came out from registering for classes the very large rabbit and many many robins were casually lolling and hopping about on the grass in front of the car. I wanted to get up closer to take a picture. Such a beautiful rabbit. And so close to all the traffic, but somehow safe.

It felt very magical and I felt honoured for the moment. It reminded me of the day after I was married when my husband and I went to the Calgary Zoo and were so tired we just fell asleep on the grass and woke up to find dozens of rabbits hopping about all around us. And then we found we were locked in...but it was so magical we didn't care.

Today was not quite like that earlier moment, but still, it was a moment.