The Rolling Stones

8:30am

Mick is prancing outsite my window as we speak....really! Only, he, and the band, are just on the OTHER side of the downtown..just a stones' throw away actually. I can hear him singing his heart out on "Angie"....and they did play "Paint it Black". It is as close as I will ever come....another notch in my life never to be achieved. I was considering attempting to run over there by myself and get a last minute deal...or I could have taken the person from work up on her parent's tickets, but in the end, in spite of the amazing sound system THIS city will probably never see the likes of again...I had to bow out and believe 'good things for me will be coming'.

It is a night like tonight...when the warriors 'on the other side' are there enjoying themselves with not one thought of including you....the 'relatives' that Arjun sees on the other side of the battlefield. The ones that Krishna says Arjun will have to fight and maybe kill, and to which Arjun replies that he can't, that he has lived with these people, he has loved these people:they are his extended family.

This is all philosophical but it is Thanksgiving...with no thought of anyone to have thanks with. And those that I have loved passionately and very well without selfishness have no thought of you...what-so-ever. Mostly because of personality (mine) and because of a deficit I was born with. Seems unfair doesn't it.

It is nights like tonight that I am more and more grateful for the gift of Knowledge that Maharji gave me 25 years ago.It is not easy to be grateful on nights like tonight. I guess someone knew I would desperately need it. Other people can receive Knowledge that do not live in such an isolated and desparate state as I do so don't use me as an example. I just know that it is the only thing that has seen me though all this rejection...and even through a Rolling Stones concert.

Now the crowd is howling. The thing about it though....it is a 'crowd sport'. And that is the whole point...for someone like me it often just seems like a big black hole....since there is no connection to anyone. You really have to have your own 'crowd' to go with...or at the very least your own 'person'..or 'dog'. It isn't exactly something to do on your own.

I did see Leonard Cohen on my own though...such was my desire not to be left out...in fact I saw him twice. Probably the only singer I would do that for.

If you cook it, they will come. That is my philosophy for tomorrow. I will make Thanksgiving dinner. I will enjoy it. I will invite anyone here who has nobody, to come.

Earlier, about 5pm...when most people WOULD be having their Thanksgiving dinner if they were having it today, the sunday, I took my washing to the laundry on the floor above, the laundry on this floor being pretty much out of order still. I waited while it washed and dried outside in the little sitting area there is on every floor. I found the book 'City of Joy' in the book stand. I had seen it a number of weeks ago when I was passing but this time I decided to look at it. I have always enjoyed the movie even though it is flawed artistically. I think it is an apt and interesting book. Anand Nagar. Maharaji has mentioned that place on occasion. I think I will enjoy reading it.

Well...Mick is still howling away. The crowd is still howling. I wish I were there. I can feel the energy even here. I don't know why I have to be alone so much. It is hard to make friends. And it is definately hard to keep friends. Mostly it is hard to find the mutual respect and consideration and admiration that I think defines friendship. The kind of person who would go with you to a Stones concert. It is hard not to offend people. It is hard not to be offended.