Passive Agresson Vs. Confrontation

4:30pm
This is a topic I would like to explore. I am going to leave it for now. Passive Agressive people are rampant in the "Recovery" programme.....or so I feel I have observed.....and certainly I have experienced that at work, and other places.

Some people are very afraid of being confrontational.....or in my way of thinking....actually being honest, and saying what they actually mean....as opposed to lying (which is what most people spend their lives doing). That is another trait of Asperger people. Honesty. But in a way that is off-putting to many NT's (that is neurotypicals if you are wondering what NT stands for).

And when you add the "Recovery" people into the mix....well!....we do have a problem. "Recovery" people are often in denial....and certainly are 'not used' to being honest with themselves....let alone anyone else.

Passive agressive people are very very scary because of their lack of honesty with THEMSELVES. I think at one time, when I was very young, in my twenties say, I, certainly, probably, was passive agressive. I certainly was AFRAID to tell people what I was thinking at any given time. I certainly was AFRAID of the reaction of any confrontation and looked on that trait as being very suspect and something to be avoided. I looked on it as not an honourable thing. Crazy eh? People would rather LIE to themselves that have the courage to be HONEST. AND put someone down at the same time for having that trait. Very very warped.

To be compassionate though, this last memory of how I was in the past, reminds me that most people do, in fact, feel totally powerless in doing anything about their own actions. Many people do not have the strong inner core that develops from being shown who you are....deep inside. Especially if you are younger and have not much life-experience. That is not to say that many people do not come to a wisdom in the final years that is so admirable. My friend, Ben, who was 94 when he died was one of the wisest people I have ever known...not to mention having such a fantastic way with people. For a few short months, after he died, much of his 'ways' rubbed off on me...and I was able to parrot some of his methods. (But it is not inate for me, so other influences have superceded). It was a wonderful experience, though, to have that 'power' to influence people.

Thinking of Ben reminds me of the possibility to get what you want without so-called 'aggression' and the counter-point, the frustration that comes from never getting what you want. He was a master at getting what he wanted...in such a gentle, kind and nice way. He also always knew how to 'give people what they want'. And, that was his strength.

Somehow I get very very afraid in many of situations. It is that Asperger anxiety.

I think "giving people what they want' is basically the key. Yes..... Giving people what they want. For me that is very hard. Not being able to 'read' what people want. I have noticed how people have been very kind in many ways...but they want something in return....and really, what have I got to offer. At least with my pottery I could give that. That is why it is always a one time thing. They feel they have 'done their duty'. They are not even conscious of their expectations of my short-comings.