Bullies, NT's and The Breath

Yesterday was a 'very interesting day' at work. I had dreaded it's coming because it was the third day in a row of having to be there for 8 or 9 hours (minus the one you have to take for lunch which is 'not paid'...of course). So, in effect, three days out of my precious life were taken up by dubious activities. I was worried that it would be too much to handle physically....(never mind the ensuing emotional burden of attempting to fit into a place that is based on concepts of the body, and so much ignorance). They try though..and that makes a difference to me...but really, in my innocent Asperger mind I must realize why that is. For their own benefit only. I must try to remember that. If I was of no use to them, or they did not think I was of the same ilk...(which maybe I am, who knows at this point)..then they would have no interaction with me. None of them have attempted to interact with me 'outside' of work, even though I see that many of them 'interact' ouside of work much of the time. Most of them of course have 'relationships'....'spouses'...so what would I expect really. Their exclusion of me really hurts though, since they do 'interact' with each other at other times than when they are with their respective 'relationships'...so that is not a valid excuse...only indicating a preference.

So I should ask myself..what is the benefit to me...this extremely strenuous job which offers nothing back.

I have begun to not like going to work....even when a wonderful experience of Knowledge helps me get through it. Most of those block-heads probably think it is because of some warped enjoyment of the job. Since I do act like I am enjoying the job.

Yesterday, upon arrival at 6am...already there was interference with my 'concentration'. And at 7am, when the others showed up, they had a 'communication' about the weather.....our area of the country having just experienced the 'worst blizzard since 1955'...although we, here in this city, were pretty much on the edge and did not get the brunt of it. But the 'order' (of food) was cancelled because no trucks could get through.

But what was funny to me....was the INNANE conversation...about nothing...as they all stared at each other...and then I started to laugh because I realized it was that NT thing (Neurotypicals for those who have forgotten or didn't get the reference from previously posted references). Most of the communication (90%) was non-verbal. So of course, as usual, they were saying things that I could not pick up on. It was very important to them though. Strategies were being devised.

Strategy being something that seems to be beyond me.