I don't usually like to write about this stuff. I have been trying to keep this blog 'positive'.....therefore, extracting those tiny moments where one can see the reason for being alive.
Today, however, has been so painful from the moment I first woke up...having to take an Asperin before I even got going. This, in spite of meditating for 45 minutes before I went to work. So one little thing and I was too vulnerable...and so ended up crying for most of the morning...at the back...where most people can't see me.
Mostly I feel this unhappiness is caused by the 'men' in my life. My brother, my son, my ex-lover. All of them are gamey and of the same ILK. Therefore power tripping too. All of them hurt me very deeply over the holiday season. I have tried not to feel it up until now....but it is there....lurking just below the surface. It is hard to know how to overcome this disgusting Asperger wall created by my brother. My son has the same reaction whenever something good is given to him by me...unexpectedly. My ex just continues along contaminating every relationship he has with his gamey bull.
So basically I feel so powerless and 'tripped' upon.
I have been considering taking counsel. Legal. And other.
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