So Am I

11:15am Sunday

I am really trying to be in a good mood. I am really trying 'to be nice',...as certain people say,... which mainly means you do not feel ignored, abused, lied to,exploited,condescended to....etc.etc.

Then it is easy 'to be nice'. 'Nice' being defined as obedient, fitting into a concept of 'niceness'...not voicing any complaints, etc.

So when someone phones and asks: "What's up?" , and I am feeling abandoned and alone and say I am just looking at some websites...when actually I am viewing some really beautiful cakes on a website...(but why bring that up as what would they know about that anyway...not taking part in my life in any way...and for no reason..except spite)....

....and they say: "So Am I"...(meaning looking as some websites too)...but in that tone, (I now realize) that means they are spying on me, judging me, ostrasizing me, ignoring me...and basically being cruel to me....for no reason at all....other than I don't fit into their concept of 'NICE'...and are really being condescending, secretive and abusive...and controlling...then what am I supposed to do.

Right now...I feel like going and blowing my brains out. It wouldn't matter to anyone anyway.