Hallowe'en 2009

The weather has been very co-operative this year as it will be quite nice this evening for all the little goblins and spooks. There is a sign by the parking lot to direct everyone to the front door for candies. I will have to make sure I have my electric pumpkin on and looking great. I will try to include a photo.

A Moment of Magic

8:15pm
This evening there was an event for people who live in my complex, but it was also fiddle lesson registration night...(which I realize only takes one or two minutes), but I felt it was better to go to the latter rather than have to answer confusing questions which might be directed at me or to have to make small talk, (which we all know, people with Asperger's find very difficult to do and find it very uncomfortable to do).

So I actually had a moment of magic after the registration since it has been a totally awesome day in terms of weather, just like yesterday and the day before, in spite of the very vigorous storm last night. So the weather added to the scene...but as I came out from registering for classes the very large rabbit and many many robins were casually lolling and hopping about on the grass in front of the car. I wanted to get up closer to take a picture. Such a beautiful rabbit. And so close to all the traffic, but somehow safe.

It felt very magical and I felt honoured for the moment. It reminded me of the day after I was married when my husband and I went to the Calgary Zoo and were so tired we just fell asleep on the grass and woke up to find dozens of rabbits hopping about all around us. And then we found we were locked in...but it was so magical we didn't care.

Today was not quite like that earlier moment, but still, it was a moment.

Contentment

I always find it a bit fearful to state that I feel contented and happy...as I do this morning. I always feel someone will snatch those moments away from me if I proclaim them too loudly. Some would have the audacity to say I probably never proclaim any moments such as these. But that is not true: I just keep them to myself. And on this morning, on a DAY OFF!, after working like a slave with no reprieve, I am so grateful for this time, and for the time to appreciate things like being alive, and for these precious moments of acknowledgement.

And this without practicing Knowledge this morning!

The Tree

I never thought getting some shade would be fraught with such fear and apprehension. But it has been. Last night it was all I could think about and did not sleep well. This tree will not effect anyone in a negative way. I have been told it does not drop seeds and does not need a lot of water. I would have loved to have gotten a similar one to the ones already planted but they do not have that particular species anymore. The secondary ones of the that particular species are more spindly and sparse at the bottom and do not seem to grow the same way. I can do the comparison because they are the ones that have been planted more recently on the periphery. This one will have flowers but I have been told they do not drop any seeds.

I am just happy to finally have a tree in the ground. This year has been wonderful for me...on my deck...which faces west. Most people have not been happy with the summer because we have not had the usual hot sunny weather. But for me, this year, has been pleasant and comfortable.

It will take 6 or 7 years before the tree is of any real size. I am apprehensive about what might transpire before it reaches maturity. Maybe I will never live to see that day..even with this tree...which is a very fast growing tree, I am told. I love looking at trees. I will try to post a picture of my tree (when I get iPhoto up and working properly).

The CBC and Autism

Last night after the news they had a small blurb (about 15 minutes or less) on a 'new look at autism'. They interviewed three people with autism. The three people were all articulate but did not look at the camera or the person interviewing them, as is to be expected.

A couple of things stood out for me:
I could relate to everything the young woman was saying. Acceptance is the absolute key. But what is acceptance. Today a woman in a wheelchair came to the counter and I was so happy to help her get her cup set up so it wouldn't spill and put her other item in the back carrying pack behind the seat. She reminded me of my friend who has MS. I would say I was accepting. And certainly that is important.

As I was reflecting on what the young woman had said, when I was making my pizzas this morning at work, I found it hard not to think 'but how can that ever be..really'. How do we get over the hurdle of needing to be blonde, fit and very thin. We can give lipservice to acceptance but really...(and I know this from experience)...who is getting the cushy jobs and who has visitors and sure you can enjoy yourself and have a 'full' life, as the young woman mentioned. Does that include all the things that are missing?

So mixed with the reality of being in the world and the reality of having access to a wonderful inner life..I am thankful that I have that access. A person who looks like her or who looks like me for that matter, is not liked. Especially when we cannot talk in the correct tone of voice, or imply other things than what is being said, by a look in our eyes to the other person.

Also I certainly liked the hair-do. It really took your mind off the weight issues.

Another comment that stood out for me from the clip was the discussions of the woman working at the university who had some sort of special talent (which I did not grasp and missed), but her saying something about 'feeling useless' until, by surprise, that particular job came along that spotlighted her special talents. I liked that the camera crew took a parting shot of her from a low position as she was looking at the computer so you could see her eyes. That shot totally changed her 'look' and demonstrated to me how it is almost impossible to like someone who does not 'look you in the eye'. That observation has been noted many times in the literature on Asperger's.

I am not sure if these three people would have that latter 'classification' or not. This last sentence certainly demonstrates how sadly everyone is 'classified'. Rather than being 'just a person'.

Anyway the whole clip was a giant step forward for public television. Computers have been a god-send, really...for people with autism. That young woman would never have been able to communicate as she does without the computers. She would have been trapped even more deeply in a concept imposed upon her by external appearances.

Look Me In The Eye

Well I have become more adventuresome. Must be from seeing that delightful little movie "Up" last weekend. Anyway, since my friend Mick introduced me to the book, Look Me In the Eye, and I went a bought a copy, and I have been reading it for the past 24 hours, I decided to look up the url that was listed and found he also has a blog by the above name.

So I am trying out being in a 'network'.

It is not always easy to understand these things. Perhaps they come and view my blog too? Don't know.

Basenotes

My mother always told me that I was very SENSIBLE.

Today when I was doing the vacuuming in spite of my feeling flu, I was brought to think of my mother again..and how she somehow 'pushed through' what must have been excruciating pain in those last few weeks...seeing as how she was finally, at the end, given a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer the DAY before she died. And how all her protests and screaming was interpreted as 'not acquiescing', (which is built in to that certain male community's concept), and was probably interpreted as 'silly' or 'not to be taken seriously', and her having Asperger's which only I have diagnosed, not being able to defend herself or give a logical reason for them to stop (passive is how it is defined in the 'medical literature').

Actually I see that this has to be a totally different post than I originally started out to post, and that my brain wants to return to the injustice of my mother's situation and so... do I make a small philosophical 'post'...or do I go deeper into all of the factors. At the moment it seems rather difficult to tie them together in a literary manner. I originally wanted to only say a few sentences. Obviously I have a lot more rattling around in my head, I can see.

May 15, 2009

My mother died this morning at 3:00am.

Tonight

It is about 7pm this Thursday, May 14, 2009. I have just been told that my mother has been taken to the hospital where she has the potential to be better... or not. And because she is very elderly...there is a 50/50 chance she will go downhill.

They are predicting freezing rain tonight and into the early morning with gusting winds. She was resting quietly at the last report. I hope she has a restful night. I will be leaving in the morning. But probably not much rest for me tonight.

My Mother's Day Flower

I really like this photo for all it represents. There is the flower. There is Maharaji. There is the light. There is the music stand. So, in spite of what transpired for me for my "mother's day" in the realm of the world and 'family'...in the reality of the spirit, I can be thankful for all the small wonders that have been given to me, even on this day with a single white carnation.

I am thankful also for the wonderful visit I had with my own mother. She was not feeling well and had been put to bed. She had thrown up at lunch. We had a quiet visit in her room. She did not want to eat anything. I did not eat anything. I was not hungry either. We just hung out together. That was enough. And the guest room at the nursing home was exactly what I needed. It was comfortable and felt very safe.

My New Doggy Love--Cooper

Here is a picture of a very very gentle sweet dog. I fell in love immediately. He is very loving and he also loves to be at the nursing home. There are a whole group of dogs there now. He is very good with all the other very little dogs.

I think my photos are diverted to another destination before I can get them for myself on my computer. But after a few hours delay I tried again and here is the photo of Cooper.

Correction

Well!!!...there needs to be a correction! I just found out through reading the Star-Phoenix that Morning Has Broken is actually an old hymn that Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam) made into a pop hit in the early seventies, not the other way around. I also discovered he wrote the song, his first called: "I Love That Dog", sung by my friend's daughter, Connie Kaldor. I have it on her CD Poodle In Paris. How about that!! And he aksu wrote: "The First Cut Is The Deepest" which I have been hummlng this week. How about that too!!

Never know what you will find out when you come to Saskatoon. Mom is not feeling well I find out when I get here. She through up at lunch so was in bed when I arrived.

Dog Jog 2009

Well, I managed to help out a little at the Dog Jog yesterday, held in front of the Leg. I was late because of them wanting me to work more at you-know-where (which shall remain nameless at the moment).

But I got a cushy assignment: putting dog treats into bags to hand out to the participants when they arrived back after walking around the lake. Rumours were there were at least 400 dogs (with their owners) in attendance. Got to pat some of the dogs. Got to see a lot of the dogs also, being that I was handing out the treats.

And the weather was perfect. The first Sunday with warm weather. Lots of different people in the park. Lots of motorcycles also. Quite noisy. What a late spring we are having. I actually could leave my 1.00 geraniums out over night without worry about them freezing.

Came home and konked out. After working from 7:30am to 12:30pm at the you-know-where store, and then at the Dog Jog. At least I made it.

Photos to follow.

Morning Has Broken

When I went to the once-monthly Country Gospel service at the Lutheran Church near me the other evening, I noticed that one of my favourite songs was in the Song Book. It will always be a great song and an inspiring song of joy and appreciation. That is why someone put it in there. It is by Cat Stevens who now goes by a different name I believe, having converted to the Muslim faith many years ago. I wonder if they know that song was written by a person of that faith. With all the concepts of God and the divisions into right and wrong sides that often follows, something as simple as a song about the morning and the glory of creation and the appreciation of creation could get lost in the idea of who has the right to proclaim that understanding. Both sides get it wrong a lot of the time.

Endurance

One thing people with Asperger's have is endurance. So much of what people use to communicate, and plan, and execute their plans, and get help with their plans, etc etc is hidden in the non-verbal signals. And there is so much personal political stuff involved in the 'social' that a person with Asperger's doesn't stand a chance, really.

It is only if one is able to 'see with the heart' that anything begins to make sense.

That is the secret to success. That is the secret to life.

And actually, Steve Jobs, reiterated that in the speech I listened to yesterday. I know that for myself. I admire anyone who also acknowledges that, as he did. I believe he does not have too much longer to live. He was very very thin the last time he was seen in public. And therein is the clue...'seen in public'. Him being a very public person.

I have been thinking about him a lot over the last few days.

Addendum (August 3, 09)
Heaven knows why I wrote the above passages....but I have heard on the news that everything is ok..(or not bad anyway) and it is now August.

Disappointing...or Maybe Not..., Perhaps

Just as I get excited about something, I see somebody else has to come in a spoil it. It looks like somebody is messing with my landscape/sun slideshow. I get a question mark like something isn't being downloaded. I figure they want me to click on it so they can mess around in my blog.

I am really tired of this interference. In my life. In my enjoyment of my life. And often for nefarious reasons it seems to me.

So I can't just enjoy my 'discovery' this morning and just now...I have to deal with all this interference. Or rather I have to ignore all this interference because what can I do about it.

And....on the other hand....maybe it is something nice... since I see that the photos have changed in the slideshow, and maybe somebody is trying to tell me something, to which I should listen.

I am thinking the latter possibility is closer to the truth.

I really want to be conscious.

Manga and the Asian Students, The Mendel, and Asperger's

Well I finally just figured out why those Japanese students (must have been Japanese) were the ones most interested in my pottery at the sale I did at the Mendel in Saskatoon a few years ago. (I am afraid to think when that was). Maybe 2004. Maybe later.

This morning I finally listened to that lecture (talk) Daniel Pink did at one of the Universities. I had downloaded it from iTunes. It was a discussion of his book: Johnny Bunko (not sure of exact title of his book). But it is based on Manga which is what 80 percent of Japanese people read these days. (much like it is television that 80 percent of North Americans get their information from). (I know I am months, if not years, behind everyone else knowing about it). Manga that is. And what it represents.

But that is why they liked the pottery so much..the last series I did (which I also like quite a lot). They could read what I was saying. Not to mention that the Japanese revere and respect their artists, especially their potters. Not to mention that they could also practice their pretty-good English on me. Which was was I thought originally. And which now I can see, coming from a different perspective, was pretty stupid on my part, since the young man who talked to me would have found the communication/visuals pretty funny to him, not to mention incongruent coming from an older lady, if not terribly witty, and if not pretty sly from a Manga point of view. I think anyway, basing my discovery of what Daniel Pink has been saying for quite a while. And based on what I, myself, know now.

That discovery, added to my listening to Steve Jobs commencement talk from 2006 has been a double wammy for me today.

And pretty much inspiring to say the least. Add that to the Apserger Support meeting yesterday. And wow. It has taken me to a whole new level...weird as somethings have been also in this regard (which I won't go into right now).

The Wild Geese and Spring on the Prairies

The major squadron of wild geese flew over the roof this morning when I went out to retrieve something from the car. What a lovely sight. Spring is actually here. I love to hear the honking.

On Saturday, on my way to Saskatoon, I saw a pair of wild geese tramping around in the bullrushes seeing if the spot would be a good one to lay their eggs. Then they flew away. In pairs formation. Like a typical Saskatchewan painting. Maybe it wasn't a good enough location.

And later I saw the first of the vanguard over Davidson, flying in V formation.

I wanted to open my window but decided against it as I wouldn't have been able to hear them without stopping, because of the wind noise (another typical Saskatchewan phenomenum).

I will salvage all that I can from my mistake in not staying and soaking up all of the much needed deep deep rest I was in all day on Friday and early Saturday morning. I am grateful that I know deep inside that I am on the right path and that I am slowly regaining the wonderful directional guidance that Knowledge brings...if practiced. I want so much to live up to the three promises I made there.

I hope I get another chance to rest so deeply. I was not feeling very well and this is going to be a very heavy week (at work).

The Other Photo I Like

This one was really interesting and is the only photo I took using the ColorSplash App.


Also should have uploaded the original colored version..but next time.

Two Photos I Really Like

Actually it is only the second one I like as a photo unto itself. The first one posted here is for reference only. I will try to get the other one even though I have not coloured the centre. One reason that I like this photo is that it was spontaneous and not planned that I happened to get the soap commercial on the TV just as I took the shot. It reminds me that Maharaji says sometimes how we are the cloth and Knowledge is the soap. So how nice.

Monty, Jackson and Birley

Here is a picture of my doggy love, Monty. A very handsome guy. He loved me and I loved him. I would like to see him again. He knows how to jump up and kiss you right in the mouth.


This is Jackson (the doodle) and Birley (the poodle) how they looked when I met them. Very friendly doggies.


Had to do a different post.

Photos from iPhone

These are only baking ones and one each of Monty, Jackson and Birley.

To Organic Farming and Good Baking

This has taken me a couple of days to get in here as I must have changed the user name and password or something. But here I am again, finally. This post is for Phanie who will soon be back in Quebec. Thank you for saying you read this blog. I think you might be the only one. If you happen to come back here again and see this posting please leave a message in the follow thing..or somewhere there on the left side of the page I think.

I think this also calls for some cooking pictures (they won't be stolen as much here, as on my iPhone which seems to have been the case. I just realized that now. That is where the breach would have come. Because they are 'monitoring' my phone and so the photos have been plastered all over the universe for all the 'younger' greedy theives to take their pick.)

Sorry , Phanie, for this outburst. It is a topic I have been reflecting on for two days now, though, and I just realized where the problem probably happened. On my iPhone. I hope I am wrong. And if so...I will come and apologize here for my mistake.

oooops..looks like I will have to wait. Can't get the photos right now.

Here's to organic farming in Quebec. Here's to Phanie having a good time and sending some PHOTOS. (Yeah, I guess it could be on the Facebook thing too). And here's to good baking in Quebec, Saskatchewan and all of Canada. (Sounds like I'm drunk!).